Long time no cry

I met with my psychologist today because I wanted to him to write me a note sop I can show my academic counselor that I have been seeking help with my stress problem. The session went fine until he asked me about how my parents have acting regarding my academics.

Don't get me wrong. My parents are great. They have been very supportive and not pressuring at all. They always tell me that it's ok, that I will do better. But for same reason, thinking about them made me cry.

I have no idea why I cried at all. And couldn't stop myself at all. The counselor asked me why I cried. After calming down and thinking a bit, I realized why I cried. I felt like I was letting my parents down. I keep beating myself up because they don't punish me for getting bad grades. In fact, they kept being nice to me and buying me stuff. It makes me feel bad and want bad things to happen to me. I never realized that I feel that way about myself.

So long story short. My counselor now thinks I am also emotionally distressed. I wonder how my mental health got so screwed up...

Feeling a tinsy bit better

I went to my academic counseling office today to make an appointment. My legs felt like lead every step I took there. I was so freaked out.

It turned out the office doesn't take same day appointments. But the girl working at the counter saw how worried I was and gave me a small counseling sessions. She said that my overall grades are still ok and that I had a legit medical reason for not doing well. Also, from past cases she has seen. Students like me usually turns our ok.

Although she was just a student, it made me feel a lot better hearing that from her because by working there, she should be pretty knowledgeable about this stuff.

Right?

Grades

Sigh....

How the hell do I allow my grades to get so low? Last quarter I was qualified for academic disqualification and I had to pick up my grades this quarter. Yet I screwed up again.

I guess the bad grades from the previous quarter really screwed me over. I was sleepless and sick the whole quarter. I went to the school doctors and they referee me to a psych counselor but they couldn't figure out what was wrong. Finally, my family doctor diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder. Now I have to take pills to sleep. Sigh....

I have to go see the counselor on Monday and hope they will give me another chance. Wish me luck.

Ameba Pico

It's been so long since I have blogged. Lol! How fast 2 years can pass us by. I am now 21. So much have happened but I won't spend time with catching up. Instead, I wanna share with everyone my recent obsession- Ameba Pico!

Let's start with a little bit of background. Ameba Pico first started I'm Japan under a different name- Ameba Pigg. Basically, it is a website where people can make their own characters and interact with each other.

Although Ameba Pico is an American site, there are still many players from all over world. So depending on the timezone, you can meet many foreigners. I myself love to practice my Japanese with the Japanese players. Even though my Japanese isn't that great, the japanese players were very nice and very patient with me. My buddy list is filled with players from all over the world!

If you have free time and want to make friends online, Ameba Pico is definitely the place to be. I'm usually online around night time and you can find me under the name of Lydie. Hope to see you soon!

My Recent Stress

I know, I know. I said that I would type in Chinese... Well, let's just say it's 4:17a.m. right now, I'm totally stressed, and I just really need to vent out my anger here cause I think I might go crazy soon!

I really, really just want to ask this question. Has anyone ever lived with someone who doesn't flush the toilet for reason besides environmental ones? I think majority of us will answer 'no.' I'm living with a person in my apartment right now and her habits are just downright disgusting. She doesn't ever flush the toilet when she uses it at night which, btw, is quite often. After having her roommate ask her why she doesn't flush, she replied to us that it's because the toilet 'scares her.' WHAT THE FUCK? Can't she come up with any better excuses??? I don't see how she can feel that it's ok not to flush the toilet and have to have other people flush it for her. Why should i have to go out of my fucking way to flush her pee down the toilet??? She's even left pee and blood in there before! Why the hell do i have to see that???

I talked to my roommate about it and she told she that I can't expect everyone to live up to my standards. What kind of bullshit is that? How is it 'my' standards when everyone else flushes except for her??? And so I talked to my best friend and mom instead and, after much drama and crying fro stress, we came upwith the idea that I should go talk to the culprit herself.

I thought i should go and talk to my roommate beforehand that I'm going to be talking to the person about this matter tonight before actually doing it because i didn't want to spring this onto them like a surprise. But when I told them this, they all told me they don't think it's a problem? That makes me feel that they are all down right disgusting!!! And then they started joking around about how I'm overreacting. I got ticked off. Then my roommate asked me where did I hear that it's unsanitary and that pee is actually sterile and there is no bacteria in it. I almost turned around and asked her to go and drink piss if she thinks it's so clean! But it's only first quarter and I really don't want to cause drama this early. So I just left.

i ended up not talking about the situation with the culprit. i've decided to just not use the toilet unless it's clean. Someone is going to have to flush it but it's not going to be me. I don't think anyone can really imagine the stress that this stupid thing is causing me. It even makes me feel ridiculus. I refuse to be on good terms with my roommates until this problem is solved.

燉蛋 and 薑汁撞奶

哇！好久沒有BLOG啦。我想我由以家開起我會用中文來BLOG。這樣我可以練習我的中文打字啊！近來我迷上了煮食，尤其是煲湯。所以如果你們知道什麽好喝的湯水就子介紹給我啊！謝謝！

上一個禮拜我做了燉蛋！我爸爸以前經常做燉蛋的，可是這是我第一次自己做。結果也不錯了！需是甜了一點點，可是燉得很滑很漂亮！不信自己看！

食譜在這裡：http://www.christinesrecipes.com/2008/04/steamed-eggs-with-milk-dessert.html

今天我也做了甜品：薑汁撞奶！弄得很好，可是我忘了拍照。下一次一定記得！
食譜在這裡：http://lovecook.ihost.tw/recipe/cdessert15.html

Camping at Harmony Ridge

Wow... I really have gotten lazy about this blogging business... I've been so tired lately. It's not even because I have hw or anything. I think it's just the time I spent staying up late in college has finally caught up to me. Anyways, I'm back and I hope I will keep it up.

I just came back from a camping trip yesterday. My parents recently became friendly with this couple whose wife works with my mom. So they took us on a camping trip. I've never gone camping before, so I was really excited to go. I thought of all the things we could do: tennis, volleyball, bonfire, etc. However, it turned out to be nothing I had imagined. We didn't do anything camping-like except for sleeping in a tent. All the other time we spent in a indoor building playing cards and pool. Well, at least it was relaxing.

Starting today, I only have ethics class. I got to class late today cause I'm so tired from coming back from camping yesterday. Anyways, I talked to Brian about my trip after class today. I also told him that I would be going camping at Bodeca Bay in August. It turns out he was going in August too. I don't know exactly what day I'm going but we might end up running into each other there.

I finally got my qq music player back online and running. I've lost all my old songs though because I forgot my account number and had to apply for a new account. O well. I saw that Tohoshinki had come out with a new song and I fell in love with it. It sounds really really nice. It's called "Doushite kimi o suki ni natte shimattan darou?" I really love it. Hope you will enjoy it as much as I do.